What's Love ?

I once asked pple ard me wad exactly is LOVE all abt.
Some told me it's abt 'US', it's abt 'TRUST'.

I asked wad's HATRED all abt.

Some told me it's wen strong love turned into the opposite expression towards another person.

After all, it's a thin line across e two.

At times, I asked myself y do I hate someone aft lovin someone tis much. I realised it's wen I can no longer have him beside me n I cant let it go, Hatred get e best o me.

Is it silly to have tis sayin - To love is to bless?

I guess mayb e best scenario is to b able to understand & feel wad exactly e other person went thru n den we do e judgment? Yes? No? Love is Blind. Deep & meaningless?

Is Love ultimately UNCONDITIONAL? Or it is CONDITIONAL?

You have e verdict within urself.

"I love him bt I wana him to b happier than I do & wen I wana tis to happen, I will wana let him go....."

When Aggression is no longer being in Control !

The promotion list was released on Friday. I was happy that some o my new colleagues got promoted whereas some werent worth e promotion at all. Mayb it was e doings o some tricky acts under e table, I guess. No pun intended bt it's reali a black box where no one except the higher mgmt is aware o how e system wrks.

I did nt managed to secure my rightful divisional status w this rd o promotion bcos o some lousy leadership tt I m followin rite nw. Underpaid n being shortchanged of 4 days vacation leaves per year. Given a dip holder, U shld b havin 18 days VL w startin pay on par to wad I m drawin nw... Seriously, no matter hw gud e worklife balance is, it does nt justify my wrkload, my performance & of cos, my wages !! My boss can actually tell some o my colleagues tt if I resigned, it's 'e end' o him' bcos I m e only one helpin him w all e shits tt no one wld ever wana do. Audits, Analysis reports, Minor cases, Major cases, SWBC, Outreach & being screwed by companies daily on e phone is wad I m fckin facin at wrk. Pple tink tt my job is a glamorous one. Woes to tt blardy tot o urs !!

So wad if I m a 'B' grader?? So wad if I m performing above norm ?? I deserve wer I m rite nw ??? For e fact tt I m overloaded w cases to do & I still have to help e old bitch to 'train' e new officers, does it make me a SAI KANG WARRIOR for gud ??? I had enuff !! I reali cant stand e tot o havin to walk in to tt blardy offc n to see some BLACK SHEEPS ard !! 

The blardy mgmt promotes those who noes hw to lick n suck balls bt did dey take it into consideration tt these bunch o idiots have got e knowledge n ability to do e job ??? Jus bcos dey r gud at makin 'u feelin high', u promote them on tis basis ?!?!?! WTF is tis logic all abt ????

I m actually nt tis angry bt everything was triggered off by my ever-dearest head wen he asked if anyone fr my batch got promoted !! Sadly, few o them who joined service ltr than I do got promoted !! To tink tt my head can say tt IT'S OK TT I M NT PROMOTED TIS RD, I gave up totally. Since I m constantly flooded w new cases, I m gona accumulate it n throw it out aft I found a new job.

I m gona do wad my current div status shld do & I m gona show e kinda wrk accordin to e salary tt I m drawin.

Shld I or Shld I Not ???

I m stuck w tis question in my mind for days !! I do nt know wad I can do to make myself feel better !! I guess my constant struggles had finally kick in e effect of confusion & uncertainty !!

At times I told myself tt I shld jus move on bt certain part o me told me to hold bk ! I cld no longer see myself havin a 'gd' future w e things tt I m doin nw... Today I snapped. I dread e fact tt I gotta do double work by repeatin myself agn jus for e mere fact tt someone FORGET wad was bein told or jus bcos someone is jus in control o all situations !! Wad e fck is tis ?!?!?!?!?! 

LIFE IS JUS SO UNFAIR !!!

U noe, I been wantin to suggest to myself tt I m experiencin happy moments more than sickenin encounters bt it seems tt as times pass by, I m seein 'scary images' w e 'phenomenon' o stagnation. So much for doin so much, I reali feel crippled cos it wasnt properly judged !! Instead, those who apparently noe hw to 'establish connection' got their ways ard ! I m feelin so demoralised. I started feelin tt I m nothin bt a blardy slave who is doin things beyond my control. Is tis e way I shld lead my life ?? Guess life philosophy is jus so different in tis aspect. 

So rite nw, in order to make myself feel happier n more useful as a human being, I shall move on. BUT i do nt noe wen wld tt b cos my current commitments SUX !! Mayb it boils down to e fact tt e problem lies in me ?? 

I hate wad I m doin nw.

Some bitches tt I once know & jus know

I m amazed by e mere fact tt some women r jus so shameless w their own words, actions & appearances ! To tink tt I was flamed by someone tt I knew since Pri Sch den subsequently someone fr my Sec Sch & nw someone fr my wrkplc !!

The most vicious one wil b by tt pri sch mate. Apparently tis bitch likes to spread rumours abt me. Rmb I blogged abt someone tellin tales abt me bein married w a kid ?? Yea !! It started off w tis bitch !! I jus seen her pics somewhere somehow & she is makin my stomach churnin at tis moment .. zzzzzz .. It's kinda....Okay, I cant find any words to describe her. I guess she is simply jealous o me & therefore she's makin so much comments in front o others & behind my back. 

I gona say tis nw - I LOATHE HER !! Pls dun make me turn on my defensive mechanism.

I m ultimately disgusted by some bitches who apparently claimed tt SHE IS WAY HIGH CLASS AS COMPARED TO ME wen I duno even know her name. Tis occurred on Thursday in offc rite after lunch. Tis bitch got transferred back earlier tis yr. I swore tt I DUN EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS, WAD'S HER NAME & WAD'S HER BACKGROUND cos she appeared to be INSIGNIFICANT in my life. I had seen her ard in my offc but I HAD NV EVER spoke to her once. NOT TO MENTION A SMILE ON MY FACE TO HER. Seriously, SHE IS FUGLY in my opinion.

I was tokin to Lynette aft lunch & outta nowhere she commented tt tis FUGLY bitch has got similar character as compared to me !! Upon hearing tt I was pretty amused who e hell would b as vulgar n rowdy as me & da-tah~ I SAW A FUGLY BITCH !!!!! ARHG !!! Wad happen next reali made me feelin sick even till nw. FUGLY BITCH said loudly - 'SORRY LOH, I M E HIGH CLASS ONE LOH !'

Without any comment & feelin truly gross, I turned n walked away. Den I felt ultimate humiliated. To tink tt tis FUGLY BITCH who has got small eyes, big n cone-shaped body w flat boobs & wide butt is considered as high class, den wad abt me ?!?!?! Her dressin is even one o e 'best' one - a normal top w pants & paired up w a pair o PINK CROCS !!! WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA !!! Seriously, tt's VERY HILARIOUS !!!! I tot most o e time I use black flip-flop w my offc wear to wrk is kinda wrong alr bt she is more 'cartoon' than me !!! 

High class ?!?!! My ass !!! Mayb I shld get her a mirror soon for her !! I came back hme n tell my family, Auntie Ang almost fell off her chair. She asked if I did went to e toilet to puke. wahahahahahahhaa !!!

Anyway, Lynette told me tt she had asked tis FUGLY BITCH to apologise to me. I was tinkin, HOW WLD I DARE TO EXPECT SOMEONE WHO IS MUCH HIGHER CLASS THAN ME TO SAY SORRY TO ME !! But wadeva it is, FUGLY BITCH, bcareful w ur words fr nw on. I do hope tt someone out dere wld subdue u soon. Cos ur mouth n ur face is detestable. Period.

Things tt occur in everyday life

Whenever I m so dang free, I have e tendency to tink abt some crappy issues tt kinda bug me since donkey years ago...

I hate to say tis abt myself bt I reali cant make gud decision or rather I m someone who tend to b flicker-minded. Tis is wad I reali hate abt myself !!

U know, I had always call some o my guy frens 'MANBITCH' & it seems tt I m one too (no flaming pls - I M NT A MAN THOU !!!) !! 

Okay, I meant I weigh too much pros n cons till I reali dun wish to decide on anything. Because o my indecisiveness, I had wronged myself w many opportunities lost ! One o e most significant one took place in 2007 tt I rejected one gud career prospect in e hope o makin things better in e back-den-current job. Dang. Till nw, I reali hate myself for tt. zzzzz. Such shortchange shldnt b allowed !!!

At times, I tot I can jus live life as it comes bt till certain extend, I started becomin super particular abt things tt I come across nw. I look for quality in every aspects. (I expect good service wen I step into a restaurant. I expect e bank tellers to clear their queue asap during lunch. I expect pple to understand wad I tell them w/out me havin to repeat myself for 2nd time.) BUT tt jus dun make me a better person rite ? oh well.

As I look for 'gud quality' in everything, I started tinkin tt it can b hard to achieve [especially in SG context]. AND wen I feel annoyed for NOT attaining tt kinda standard, I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE !! =( Rite nw, I seriously dun wana tink abt any resolution alr cos it's all BULL-THE-SHIT !!! 

Resolutions or promises are meant to b broken !! Why is tt so ?? Cos we r all human beings tt simply cant resist temptations ! If u r a woman n is constantly tellin urself to go on strict diet by cuttin down on 'good food' tt u like den one fine day ur motivation, determination n endurance jus chose to give way, U R DOOM w all those 'good food' down ur throat ! Uh-oh, dere goes ur slimmin plan !!

Ironically, men always vowed tt dey will stay faithful & will NOT even tink abt other women n one fine day u realised tt ur man is seein other women behind ur back. Wad does tis implied to u ?? Men simply tink w their lil bro as 'he' do nt have e basic moral to even tink abt wad's rite n wad's wrong !! So yea... Y nt jus screw it n let things b ??

One more, I hate it wenever Mr. Lee said he will call me back n HE DID NOT !!! Rite, I know no link bt it kinda bug me nowadays. I duno y.

I guess I m grouchy these few days. Work is killin me & Studies reali SUX !! So much for puttin in efforts in tryin to get gud grades, it backfired. Either I din work smart or my standard simply dropped big time. One assignment gona b due tml. I m nt gona pin any hope on it alr.

K, I m off to slp. 

Some Random Tots tt Strike me on tis Sat nite

Yes yes, I know... It's sat. Someone asked me y m I hme on e sat nite as it's so nt me !! zzzzz .. Put it simply, I aint gettin younger n I nid rest more than ever !!! I was out earlier on n fatigue hit me fast. At abt 8pm, I started yawnin badly n was dyin to see my bed !!

Attended class earlier on & I went off durin break-time. Took bus fr sch to Orhard & I got lost !!!!!!! Arghz !!!! I tot tt particular bus wld b travellin to Orhard bt apparently I was fed w wrong info !!!! Yea, walked in e rain for abt 5mins while I was cursin n swearin on e phone w Darling. I cldnt get a single cab to go to my destination n I walked all e way fr tt particular wrong spot all e way to Taka. It took me 35mins as my call timer reflected tt timin. zzzzz. I m amazed w myself havin to walk tt long distance. Oh well. At least I let off steam on e phone w my typical cursing !!!!

Had dinner w Darling & Family. I was so dang full till my stomach refused to digest e food. zzzzz.. Aft which, we shopped ard for awhile b4 we headed back hme. Lil boy fell aslp on e way back. hahaha. He is still as cute as ever. I heart him so much. =)

Oh yes. I brought some new facial product earlier on fr Faceshop !! My dark rings r gettin worst !! I guess tis is e outcome o nt havin adequate slp since e start o tis yr. =( Hopefully tis product will wrk somehow somewhat.

Okay. I m gona go for my shower & to repair my hair & my face !! wahahahahha ... yes yes, sounded so so so wrong ..

Gud nite all.

I gona spend my sunday mugging n slping !!!

Fckin angry !!

I took 3.5hrs time off jus to go IT Fair at Suntec bt apparently it was being dumb o me to have wasted tt few hrs to get outta offc !!! KNNBCCB !! I had so much wrk to finish off & it was reali dumb o me to have taken tt few hrs to do tis STUPID act !!!

I left offc at 1pm & arrived at Suntec abt 1.30pm. It was packed & I had no plc to settle down. Blardy hell. I had 2 blardy heavy bags w me & I was literally walkin ard like a blardy dumbass waitin for my family to arrive at Suntec. Tis walk lasted for 1 fckin hr !!!

At 1.42pm, Bro's gf called, informin me tt dey will b drivin down to e carpark. Aft 20mins, I dropped Bro a sms & mins ltr he called sayin tt he will b parkin his car at Esplanade. I shot him back sayin tt my bags r blardy heavy n nid to drop it into his car. He said WAD DO U WAN ME TO DO ?? I CANT FIND A PARKIN LOT IN SUNTEC! At tis pt, I M SERIOUSLY PISSED !!!!!! Pissed bcos I WAITED AIMLESSLY LIKE A BLARDY FOOL & ONLY TO GET IN RETURN A TACTLESS REMARK !!!!Hw wld u feel if u r gg on an empty stomach n havin to beat e fckin human jam in Suntec w e fact tt u had gotta hold 2 fckin heavy bags w u ???? Perhaps bcos I m only a blardy maid o tis family & therefore I M TREATED LIKE ONE INDEED !!!!

My time off is my HARD EARNED TIME OFF !!! It was being exchanged back by my saturday presence at wrk !! I m nt like any other wrkers whom r able to end wrk early & have ample personal time aft schling time end !!! KNN !! Fckin angry !!!!

I left Suntec at abt 2.35pm & dey were still NOT DERE YET !! Tt reali left my blood boilin !! Seriously, I shld haf taken time off startin fr 2.30pm instead !! I m jus so fckin pissed cos I reali feel like I was treated like a blardy fool !!!!

I swear on cold war !!! Fckin hell !!!

Hectic Work & Tedious Studies

At times I do admire myself for havin to put up SHITTY moments at wrk. It's clearin my threshold for sure. For the mere fact tt old bitch DO NOT RESPECT me for who I M, I swear tt I M NOT gona give her any gud time as long as I m in my current post. Period.

My last essay for tis sem is kinda nt progressin fine. I was hme e whole o sunday & managed to type 1000+words & I m still lackin o abt 400+ words. My god. Is tis e real standard o havin gone thru e studies jus to pursue a FREAKIN TOILET PAPER CERT ?? zzzzzzzzzz.. Someone tell me abt it pls !

Okay, no monday blues today & I m prayin hard tt tis whole week wil b gud !! 

It's gona b another bz weekend. 

ps: u nv fail to make me smile !

Threats

As much as I m concern, I SIMPLY HATE THREATS !!!

To those who used THREATS on me, wana use THREATS on me or is tinkin o usin THREATS on me, FCK THE HELL OFF MY LIFE !!

To those who has(have) been usin THREATS umpteen times to get ur way ard wen ur request(s) or wadeva shits r NONSENSICAL nor ACCEPTABLE BY THE NORM, U R A FCKER !!!

For the last time, WHOEVER USES THREATS IS A BLARDY ARSEHOLE !!!